Forsake the Writing Life: Save the Baby Bison

By Kit-Bacon Gressitt

Yesterday morning, I sat at my desk, committed to adding 2,000 words to my mediocre American novel manuscript, but I just wanted to clear out my emails before getting started.

buffalo1The first one asked me to save newborn buffalo, but I didn’t want to think about their wobbly little legs, shattered in a stampeding frenzy.

Then Amazon suggested, based on my previous purchases, that I might like to order John Stossel’s “Politically Incorrect Guide to Politics,” except what Amazon doesn’t know is that Stossel kind of gives me the creeps.

I could have read a joke about $7 sex, and my husband has been traveling a lot lately, so I did, and then I thought maybe I shouldn’t have, but it was too late.

I could also have read an analysis of the poll to which 66 percent of women responded that being a mother is women’s most important role, but it smacked of some sort of confused misogyny.

Facebook sent me a birthday notice for someone I don’t know but whom I mistakenly approved as a friend before I figured out Facebook, but Facebook annoys me, so I deleted it.

I could have looked at what Verizon is charging to my credit card, but the purpose of automatic payments is to avoid acknowledging how much all this great technology costs.

The definition and etymology of “dissimulate” was enticing, and because I love words, I opened it, and now I fully intend to use “dissimulate” in my 2,000 words. I am not dissimulating.

There was another Facebook request, from another stranger who wanted to be my friend, but I’ve learned that lesson well.

Salon.com sent an article about the state politics of stem cell research, but I figure with Barack Obama in the presidency, and my cells in California, I don’t have to worry about it.

Someone forwarded a poem called “Crowning,” published in The New Yorker, and, because it was a poem and in The New Yorker, I read it and it was lovely, and then I was surprised that I was surprised it was by a male poet. I’m a pig.

The Publishers Marketplace wanted to report all the new book deals this week, but I didn’t get a deal, so I didn’t open it, although I’ll try to be pleased for the writers who did. Bastards.

Composer and violinist Mark O’Connor wanted me to buy his Americana Symphony CD but, although I love his work, the economy is “not getting worse as quickly,” so I didn’t.

Message!Products was pitching a sale — 25 percent off — but I just replenished my pro-choice checks, so I didn’t bite, but I did wonder why they always announce a sale just after I’ve received my order.

I didn’t want to plod through a Human Security News report because I didn’t want to know about the dozens killed in Mogadishu, the 700 militants killed in Pakistan, the 106 children who died in shelling in Sri Lanka, the 50 people hospitalized after a girls’ school poisoning in Afghanistan, the 49 killed in Sudanese tribal violence, or the political prisoners suffering ill health in Myanmar (it’s really Burma), presumably including Nobel Peace Prize recipient Aung San Suu Kyi. OK, I peeked, and it was exactly the agonizing news I expected.

I blew my nose and considered activating my life by buying active wear shoes from zappos.com, but I have a pair of sneakers that has lasted seven years because I am not an active person.

The National Abortion Rights Action League (NARAL) asked me to contribute to its effort to replace retiring Supreme Court Justice Souter with a pro-choice nominee, but President Obama’s head is screwed on straight and NARAL is just trying to keep up with the anti-choice opposition to a pro-choice nominee. Of course the complacency of majority is ill advised, so I reconsidered briefly, until I remembered the economy.

I could have read STRATFOR’s editorial on The Strategic Debate Over Afghanistan, but I’d had enough frustrating news for one day, so I didn’t, although I did feel a little guilty about that one, which resurrected the threat to the baby buffalo and their wobbly little legs, and then I was swamped by a swell of guilt.

So, I rescued the National Resources Defense Council email from death by deletion, clicked to save the newborn bison and read all about their terrible plight, and I wondered if I could work baby bison into my 2,000 pages.

But then I got another email, asking me to ask President Obama to put an end to the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy for gays in the military, a policy akin to sanctioned lying, so I had to respond to that one, and then — oops, another email.

Love,
K-B

©2009 Kit-Bacon Gressitt

(Editor’s Note: This piece is cross-posted with www.ivorytowerz.com.)

(Photo by Jim Bowen via a Creative Commons License.)

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3 replies
  1. Peter Fodor says:

    Great excuse!!!!! I can relate; for the last few months I have tried to clear out my e-mails every morning and by the time the e-mails are cleared, there is no more time to do what I had planned to do after I cleared out my e-mails.
    Today, not only did I have to read what you wrote but also had to read the $7 sex joke, read about Lt. Dan Choi, – a lucid and positive young man – check out a poem in the New Yorker, check out the word “dissimulate” and thus find an interesting website (http://wordsmith.org/words/dissimulate.html) which had to be looked at more thoroughly – conclusion, today I didn’t even finish clearing out my e-mails but at least I enjoyed the reading I did (especially about baby bisons).
    Oh well tomorrow is another day!

    Reply
    • admin says:

      Do you suppose email is a long- and well-executed conspiracy, to keep thinking people inactive? Nonetheless, is Word a Day wonderful!

      Reply
  2. Kim says:

    Just a small word of advice …. if you have more than one computer, and more than one email account, don’t make my mistake and allow the emails to come into both (or in my case three) computers! Holy cow – or – more appropriately – Holy Baby Bison! The more I delete, the behinder I get! Yes, it is a conspiracy! I would say we need a commission to investigate but I’m afraid it might generate more clutter in my in-box!!! And, no, I will never, ever, ever own an iPhone. I have a “syncing” fear of MobileMe! The horror, the horror.

    Reply